“Did you come here with your family?”

This is part 2 of a conversation I had with a woman called L who is working at a massage parlour. Click here if you’ve missed part 1 (“How come you married so young?”). Stay tuned for part 3 (“Do people in Austria have their eyes made bigger?).

After talking about marriage, L goes on:

“Did you come here with your family?”
I: “No, I came to China on my own.”
She: “Wow, that’s brave! Where is your husband from?”
I: “He’s from Northeast China.”
She: “Are your parents in-law living with you now?”
I: “No, they still live in Northeast China.”
She: “You know, in China we have a tradition of respecting the parents. It means that after we get married we’ll live with the parents of our husband.”
I: “I know. They live in a small city and they like it there. I don’t think Shenzhen would be a good city for them to live in. The pace here is too fast.”
She: “You should get kids soon. Do you think they would look more like you or more like your husband?”
I: “I really don’t know. I guess there would be something of both of us in them.”

Have you ever had a similar conversation? I’d love to read your comments.

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5 thoughts on ““Did you come here with your family?”

  1. Before we got married, I said that was the one thing I didn’t feel comfortable with – living with his parents. We discussed it a long time and came to our own conclusion. That’s a major cultural difference for me, living in China. For kids – they normally just say the kids will be mixed – they will be beautiful!


  2. I always have conversations like that with the Vietnamese women who do my nails. They are always so sweet and filled with all kinds of old-fashioned advice on how to treat a man. I actually hear the same stuff from my mother (who is an old-fashioned Japanese woman) but it’s just annoying coming from her lol!


  3. Since I got together with my wife there was the talk about our parents in law. As we plan to move to Germany there won’t be any chance that her parents could come to live with us due to those extreme rules when it comes to migration into Germany. Thus we have to find some other ways to take care of her parents as we also do not wish to move to China (I wouldnt be against it but she doesnt want at all to live in China…)
    My own parents, well, they can take care of themselves still but whenever something might happen, we will take them into our household, as we both dont want to cast them into any kind of retirement home.
    Many of my wife’s friends who are Chinese and live in Finland ask us alot about this topic as they would like to get their parents to Europe, but sadly, this is not really easy to be done, if they are out of their working age.


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