“When is the expected date of delivery?”

Illustration by Ruth Silbermayr-Song

Illustration by Ruth Silbermayr-Song

One day not too long after our wedding and honeymoon, Y and I are at work. When we finish with work that day, one of our coworkers talks with Y. I can’t hear what they talk about, but Y tells me a bit later. Here goes:

Coworker: “So, when is it due?”
Y: “When is what due?”
Coworker: “You know, you and your wife…”
Y: “What the hell are you talking about?”
Coworker: “The baby! When is the expected date of delivery?”
Y: “Huh. That’s not why we married.”
Coworker: “Oh. So she’s not pregnant?”

Our coworker isn’t the only one who thought that we married because I was pregnant (I wasn’t). After all, who would be so crazy as to get married out of love after being together for less than half a year?

Has anyone ever thought you married for reasons different than the ones you married for?

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9 thoughts on ““When is the expected date of delivery?”

  1. people assume fast wedding is only caused by family pressure because girl got pregnant, it was quite popular in my country like 20 years ago. plus I would get really upset that someone thinks I’m pregnant – I mean at least in my case that would mean I put on weight haha 🙂 plus I love the picture you made for this post 🙂 made me giggle 🙂

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  2. Even though my husband was the only Asian in town when we got engaged, I don’t remember anyone saying anything. Maybe I didn’t listen.
    I love your stories. They’re a brief slice of life that reveals a lot about the people you come in contact with. Also I love your illustrations.

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    • Thanks for your nice words, Nicole! I love making illustrations – I’ve studied graphic design, but my real love is for illustrations. To me, this is like making art or meditating. And I’m looking forward to reading more about your wealth of experiences living in Asia a few decades ago.

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  3. I knew of many couples in China where the bride was already pregnant on her wedding day (including one who was clearly showing — so I can understand why people might ask this (not to mention how fast the two of you married).

    Well, if you’ve been married for a while (like I have) and still haven’t had a baby, then you’ll encounter a different question. Such as, why haven’t you had a baby yet? Or worse, you’ll hear “You’re too old!”

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    • It surely does happen that people marry because the bride is pregnant (especially in China where having a child without being married is frowned upon by many).

      It seems that no matter at what stage in your life you currently are, there are always some questions or assumptions that will make you feel uncomfortable and like you need to justify yourself.

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  4. Well, in my case everyone thought that my husband and me only got married in order for him to be able to stay in Austria. Many people around me had the opinion that he would just take advantage of me.
    We just got married in order to be able to stay together, no matter in which country, just in order to have the legal possibility to spend our time together, however not many people understood that.

    So actually people thinking that you were pregnant is still a nice thing 😉

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    • In your case people are just being ignorant, I would say. It shouldn’t be too hard to prove them wrong though – since you are already married and not for the reasons they thought you were.

      For us, being able to stay together no matter where we are was also important, although it wasn’t the main reason we married (and in China having a spousal visa doesn’t mean the foreign spouse is allowed to work, so in that respect it really doesn’t help that much to be married).

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